Abundance

My word for this coming year.

It inspires me. That's important. I don't want to pick a direction that isn't rich with meaning and excitement or that doesn't provoke action. I don't want a word that I will dread like a chore, like a "should," like a burden. I pick words that I can live with and explore and that will help me to grow.  Never pick a word that represents a negative, an absence or a removal. Don't leave holes. Don't try to build from a place of regret. Won't work. Focus on a negative and what do you get? That's right, more negative.

Abundance is something I can almost taste. I'm super excited about this. And I just spent 9 days with my parents in my house, who do not live in abundance, never really have, and it brings it into such focus for me, the importance of abundance as part of my bloom quest. I love that I can share my vision with my life partner and he instantly gets it. Loves it for me. Says, "That is perfect for you." I can't share it with my parents, those who raised me from a child and know my history but do not know me as a person. They will not understand it. It will fall flat in front of them.

My abundance will open my heart, my eyes, my trust, my acceptance. I will live in abundance, create abundance, and inspire abundance. It will help me to crowd fear into a corner. To recognize worry as unproductive and abandon it for possibility. To push farther, trusting that there is enough on the other side to carry me through. That I can create enough. That I am enough.

I will set a goal for each month, a measure of abundance, to create a 20:20 on 2019 that will blow my mind, it will be so rich and full of living and giving.

Gluttony

Time to fast, cleanse, clear out and make space.

Tomorrow is the last day of the year, and I am feeling crowded. Not just in my gut (oh my gosh so much food), but in the spaces all around me. Too much stuff. Too many tasks. Crowded. Over stuffed.

My kids' rooms need a good de-clutter to make room for the new goodies they got for Christmas. The pantry needs a total reorg. And I am feeling a strong urge to clear out cabinets, shelves, closets and drawers...as part of a refresh. Prepping for a fresh new year. Simplifying. Making room for possibility, for movement, for the beauty of just having space - not to fill it, but to feel it.

Feeling very gluttonous after this week -- shopping, cooking, baking, eating, filling trash bins with garbage. Ugh. Glad for a ceremonial end of the year -- I'm going to have a cleansing fire ritual with my kids tomorrow.

Let's refresh.

Juried Application?

It was suggested to me this evening, by an artist I tremendously respect, that I apply for membership in the McGuffey Art Center, which would involve a juried assessment of my artwork by all existing members of the Center.

OMG.

This idea makes me sparkle on the inside. I'm a glowy bulb of excitement and anxiety and what-ifs.

Is this my next challenge?  I need one -- to spark my painting. What would my submitted collection look like? Would I get all the portraits back and show them? Would I make more portraits? Of maybe famous people? Recognizable people? Local celebrities? Would I play around with landscapes? Abstracts? Blossoms ala Blandino?

The next application round is in January. Too soon. But May is possible. What could I accomplish by May? What would I learn being part of an actual Art Society???!!!

OMG OMG OMG

This is going to keep me up tonight.

20:20 on 2018

January:  Job hunting, Volunteering, Networking

February: Trip to Connecticut, Laurie Visit, Job Hunting, Old Rag Mountain

March: Job hunting, UX project, Yoga workshops, and birthday #45

April: Carmelo Blandino, Anniversary #18, Job Hunting, Auction Gala

May: Virginia Beach Girl Trip, Job Hunting, Networking

June: Interviews, Consulting Project, OBX Week

July: Swim Team, Job Hunting, Interview in Chicago

August: Launch Shine, Start Public School, Painting

September: Networking, IN Board, WildRock Project, First Shine Project

October: Second Shine Project, Ring, Festy, Birthday #5 Extravaganza, PackExpo

November: Portrait Showcase, UVA, Spill Teem, Friendsgiving

December: Gap International, Laurie Visit, E Birthday #9, Third Shine Project, Christmas

Crazy to view it as a snapshot. As I review it, I have an overwhelming feeling that I could have done so much more with my time...and yet, there's some pretty intense stuff in there. It was a year of spinning, of exploring, of learning and failing and trying again...An amazing year connecting with my kids, taking them on outings and doing projects together, throwing them special celebrations that I hope they will remember as full of intention and love. A year of reconnecting with my main squeeze, my life partner; remembering all the reasons we like each other so much, and falling deeper in love as only seasoned married people can, reacher deeper into a relationship than a newlywed couple could ever imagine possible.  Finding parts of myself again. Building new parts of myself that I am proud of. And creating a wide range of possibility for 2019.

It looks a bit like a year of Blooming. I want to celebrate that.

Day Tripping

Lived in Memphis for almost 20 years and didn't ever really venture out to adventure -- it seemed so land-locked. Nashville was only 3.5 hours away, but we didn't really head there much.  Everything else was a day's drive.  So when we moved, I made a deliberate effort to write down all the places and things that we heard were fun to do, cool to see, and great to eat at.  We filled a wall with post-it notes, creating one column for "DO" and one for "DID."

It was super easy to glance at the Do list and make an itinerary for the weekend. We did all the things -- and there are so many that are just 1 hour away that we could knock them out no problem. Great memories of hiking, playing, and favorite places that have become frequent haunts.

Yesterday was an epic check-the-box day -- we headed off to Snowshoe Mountain and skied for 5 hours, then drove back home again. Just me and my man. It was awesome. I keep pinching myself that we can drive along these amazing mountain roads, with these incredible vistas, just a short way from home. Jaw-dropping beautiful.

Making the time, carving out a day, to create an experience that feeds a relationship, a couple of souls, takes planning (or maybe, as in our case, a balance of planning and spontaneity) but we won't hesitate to hit the launch button next time the chance comes.

Stories Worth Telling

When I was in high school and especially college, I was painfully aware of my lack of stories. I didn't have any cool stories of misadventure or daring or mystery. And I wanted them, desperately.

So I started building my stories. And no, they weren't really that edgy (I'm far too midwestern to join in on the naked stranger cliff diving outside Sedona or the beach-side hippie orgy in Big Sur - I was just happy to have been invited), but they were mine and I was in build mode.  I look back and think, not bad. Tried some stuff (jumped out of an airplane), did some things (took a global job and traveled to Europe and Asia), and I'm super happy with my domesticated life - I don't mope past windows yearning for a life I somehow feel I missed out on or am being held back from.

But.

I want to use up this life with experiences, with learning, with experiments and adventures. In 2019 I want to create a story that will stay with me the rest of my life. I want to do something daring and maybe a little crazy. I want to stretch and risk. I'm opening this door in my mind, and I KNOW that means something will come strutting through. It always does when I crack it open. I will turn 46 in 2019. Before I turn 50 I want to set the stage for a life of adventures, of great tales to tell. I want to make stories my new habit. Staying organized feels good, but it's BORING.

I don't want boring.

Gifts

Does anything feel better than giving a gift that you KNOW is dead perfect for someone and you see them light up when they recognize it for the ultra personal and loving gesture that it is?

In that same space, it feels amazing to be on the receiving end of a gift given with a true view to who you are. It feels incredibly anchoring; gives a sense of belonging. Of being seen. Of being cared for.

And what about small gestures? Those caring, simple but deliberate gestures that let you know somebody notices and cares enough to make an extra effort to help you, to serve you, to comfort you.

Also on the spectrum of giving are acts of random kindness. Random kindness doesn't require in depth understanding of the stranger you're reaching out to. It just requires contextual insight, letting the person know that you see them, you see them as community, you care enough to lean on that community and create stronger connection.

It all builds abundance. A sense of flowing generosity. The more I give, the more I want to give.

I want to create this every day.