Oh here we are again with the battle of the shoulds. The productivity shame that your guilt teases out of you when you're not earning the income that you used to. When you stay in your soft clothes all day because you don't have a meeting to go to in a stuffy office.
It's the quest for careering and financial gain versus being home with my kids and being present with them. My kids deserve the best of me, not the remnants, not the leftovers, not the stressed out frazzled unfocused bits of me. My kids are my purpose right now and I want to be their roots and their wings. I want to help them see what they're capable of and I can't do that if I'm not around. I was gone for so many years. And now I'm home.
So, this shame of not being in a full-time professional role, of not having a regular paycheck and a boss to be accountable to, it's not going to win. I have an amazing opportunity to pursue flexible projects that I can charge a nice fee for (a professional fee), and balance that with the privilege of getting to live my BEST life and see my kids every morning, every evening, every weekend, and be a consistent and dedicated MOM.
I need to ENJOY this to the fullest and appreciate it for the gift that it is. It's amazing. I will not muddy it up with guilt about "should" in the career category. My next career venture will come. Now I will embrace the chance to be the mom that I always wanted to be.
Stop the second guessing. Stop the guilt-tripping. Brave this new balance -- wrap up in it and revel in the timing and the perfection of it. It is all as it should be.
No comments:
Post a Comment