Arguments

I love being married. I love that I get to be married to the person that I'm married to. Total spouse jackpot. He makes me a better person. He inspires me to be better. He encourages me. He's so quiet and easy going most of the time that I forget that he's really a Buddha in sporty clothing.

But we argue. Oh yes we do.

Yesterday, as a matter of fact, was the latest one.  And I caught myself with honeymooner shock. You know, that feeling when you're first married and you believe everything is soooooo perfect and you're sooooo in love but then somebody screws up and expectations are dashed and ego gets in the way and suddenly you're plunged into OMG My Marriage Is Jacked panic shock.

I had been humming along in blissful self exploration, feeling so great about my partnership with my man, that when he threw emotional daggers at me I was totally hurt and disoriented and wrote a whole story in my head about how we've been faking it and things aren't safe and how can I possibly trust that we have a strong foundation when the walls are crumbling?!?!  We both were suddenly vulnerable and hurt and disconnected. There was pouting. And some silent treatment. And a little bit of icy artificial conversation.

But then the benefit of 18 years of marriage kicked in. And the kids were zoned in front of a tv show, so we had a few moments to lay bare our offended viewpoints. And we centered in on the fact that we care deeply for each other; that when we feel disrespected it really hurts but that doesn't mean the bridge back isn't still intact. Our bridge has gotten a lot shorter actually. That's taken a ton of work, and growing up (especially on my part), and being willing to be vulnerable and share what we really feel, not just the angry hackles.

So while arguments are exhausting - and temporarily unsettling - the reconnection always seems to make us stronger. Like when a bone fractures and heals itself back up again. Maybe a cliche, but in my relationship it's absolute truth. And I'm so grateful for that.