Wings, Not Wheelbarrows

Carl Jung has that famous quote: “The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” 

As I think about what I've already burdened my children with, ever-evolving human that I am, my biggest concern is that they have witnessed anger in me. I've thrown it at them, at our dogs, at their father, at the frustrated man in the balloon line, at the lady who braked out of nowhere in the lane ahead of me... and I consider my poor anger management to be part of this unlived life of mine. Work that I need to do. And I better hurry up. Ev is already 9, the age that starts looking externally for role modeling; the imprinting from me and her dad is near completion. Crap!!  I haven't done this the way I want to! There's no Do-Over!

Shit.

Thankfully, I do think I'm living a pretty full life - I am amazed at how full my life is, actually. And I have lots of bucket list stuff that I fully intend to keep checking off. I think I'm living in a way that gives my children freedom to pursue their own passions - there are no gaping voids that I've dug out under them to try and make them fill for me.

Right?

I think that's right...

But the piano?  Yeah, I want them to learn to play it. Am I forcing them? No. But heavily promoting it, yes. Ballet? I encouraged it. Did she do it for me? I hope not...  Is there other stuff that I subconsciously corral them toward...? That's something to observe, to build awareness of.

The most important thing to me is to know I'm doing my best for them. I don't want to dump all my neurosis on them, though I know at least some of that is inevitable. So my goal is to keep the dialog open so we can at least talk about it. And they can at least be less neurotic than I am. They have their own weight to lift and carry - I sure don't want them bogged down with any of mine.