Midlife Unraveling

Brené Brown again. I feel like she speaks in a language juuuuuust outside my capability - Like I should know what she's saying, and I'm embarrassed that I don't actually really know, so I pretend I get it. Is what I'm experiencing an unraveling? Or just recovering from a major career detour. Or was it the Universe calling me out and forcing the point.

Self-conscious. Afraid of being wrong. A bully when things don't go my way. This is the Heidi I see in the past. The one I'm working hard to strip off. Who's underneath there and what has she got to say? I'm tired of the question. Bloom Dammit. Is that unraveling? Unravel to rebuild?

I'd really like to know what my story is. And I'd like to believe it's important enough to share. Not just another ordinary joe story. Pretty sure I'm thinking about it too hard, with too many "importance factor" filters on it. I'm often struck by the success of someone who had an idea that seems pretty common sense to me - I resent that they had the grit to make it their story and tell it.

This time in my life has such a feeling of immensity. Like there's an undercurrent of actual electricity waiting to be tapped... But it's layered beneath, and I haven't sorted out how to peel back to get at it. I don't know what else to do but to keep hunting, keep feeling my way, keep breathing, keep counting blessings and building gratitude...