Does everybody feel this way? That they're just awkward and completely uncool, getting lock-brain and saying all the wrong things at the absolute wrong time?!? How can somebody be mid-forties and still not have this figured out?!
I envy those who are so steady and relaxed and have a witty comment at the drop of a hat. A clutch moment doesn't leave them stuttering and drawing blanks on basic vocabulary. I thought age was supposed to bring that - a sense of self, of confidence and ease, of wisdom and self-fortified esteem.
Those effing cool kids, they are still all around me and I still get all junior high clunky around them.
Even my lovelies - my dear friends and their friends, whom I'm supposed to have a level of comfort around, a sense of security and familiarity. I feel so two-left-footed so very often. I'm just tired of it. Frustrated to be so out of sorts when I "should" (hate that word) be safe in my own skin and smooth in my delivery out of experience and basic tenure in this body I've occupied for 45 years. Where's my hard-earned swagger?
God, to be one of the cool ones and glide along not worrying about saying the right thing or moving in the right way.
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