Let Them Be *Kind*

The joy of my children is so paramount for me. I totally understand why parents at the playground, or the science museum, or the art studio, feel compelled to rant happy praise at their children when they witness their littles doing something wonderful. Their intention is to share in a joyous moment - to foster the behavior - to heap fertilizer on the tender shoot and make it grow big and sturdy.

But all they're really doing is smothering it.

Drowning it.

Stealing the moment. Making it their own. Judging it. Making it about them, instead of letting the child own the moment; without judgement, without comment, without "help."

I want my children to be compassionate too. To be good citizens. To brim with self esteem. To share. To experiment. To risk something. To make something. To consider their progress and make adjustments based on their own sense of where they want to go. To be mindful.

And it's really hard not to be the cheerleader, hollering, "Great job!" or "Nice sharing!" or "Gosh that is a beautiful painting you made!" because on the inside, when I witness these things, that is what my heart is saying.  But I don't, because my mind reminds me that I can appreciate their progress without casting judgement on it. Good or bad. Allowing them to enjoy the harmony they created on the playground when they let that other kid have the swing. Giving them space to struggle through building the catenary arch, watching their face light up as they finally succeed. Asking them questions about the artwork they're finishing up, hearing whether they're happy with the colors they chose or the way the composition turned out.

Letting them be is hard. There's this online video of a baby on her belly, on a blanket on the floor. She's eyeing this toy that's out of reach. And she's working really hard with her whole body to try and figure out how to reach that toy. She can't crawl yet. And it's a really long video. As a parent, our instinct is to help; watching this video, you feel anxious to reach out and push that toy close enough for her to grab it. But when you watch it the whole way through, you realize how incredible this sequence is. She is learning to move her body; she never gives up or loses focus on what she wants. She believes she can do it. And, by God, she does manage to wiggle her way and stretch her arm and her fingers and ultimately grab the toy. What an incredible lesson. Letting her achieve that, imagine what she will continue to work toward and understand about her own ability?! [It was silent, by the way, when she finally grabbed that toy. She didn't need cheering from anyone; she reveled in her own accomplishment. That was enough.]

It's okay to let them be *kind* or *creative* or *persistent* or *fill in the blank.* It's their moment. If they're not asking for commentary or judgement, don't give it. They don't need it. And we might just kill the spark of something really cool that's brewing if we make it about us and how we feel about what they just accomplished. Just let them be...