Sitting around just feels like sitting around, unless you've worked hard and you're enjoying a well-earned break. Then it feels like awesome. Like an oasis of rest. Like peace.
Savasana feels like an arrival when I've worked through a tough yoga practice session. I enjoy the rest. I relax into it. I simply lie there and breathe.
Savasana without Asana practice? Can't do it. Not peaceful. I feel anxious, like I need to be doing something. Same with meditation. I never tried that, actually - maybe I should try meditating after just wrapping up a productive (preferably physical) round of effort.
In this still-new chapter of my life, now that I don't have structure dictated to me beyond the school bus schedule, I'm not always chasing things and cramming things into the spare free moments that a corporate career allows for. I make my own structure, yes, but it isn't nearly as demanding right now. And that makes weekends tough lately...because I haven't earned the right to a lazy day. A don't bother to leave the house day.
I need to impose more rigor on my days, so that I make better use of the downtime available to me. I am wasting time. Both productive time, which I need to demand more of, and downtime, which needs to be precious and restorative. I use my downtime far better when it's "earned," having more intention and energy to play with my littles, having creativity for projects and planning things.
Purgatory isn't restful. It isn't rewarding. It doesn't inspire deeper relationships or the building of new ideas. It's just On Hold. And I need to make sure I'm not spending any time here.
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