Being Available...

My sweet little woke me up at 6 AM, asked for a bucket, and promptly emptied the contents of his poor stomach into it.

In another, earlier version of my life, I would be rushing out the door to make a meeting at the office, juggling instructions to the caregiver (au pair) and feeling rotten that my baby feels rotten and just wants his mamma. Today, I got to caress his forehead, hold the bucket, wipe his face with a cool washcloth, and check on him throughout the morning.

What a privilege that is.

I am in such a battle with myself about being busy enough, being productive enough, earning enough and securing enough future earnings. But part of why I'm here, right now, in THIS spot, is because my family needs me to be available. It's a gift.

I struggle to balance the accelerator of go-go-go against the slower, dragging pace of be-be-be. Sooooo much "should" at work here. The ugly "S" word.

Today the should was small. I heard it. I felt it. I put in a few hours of project work in answer to it. But should didn't rule my day. Today I was grateful that I could be available for my littlest one. He needed me. I needed to be the one he needed.

What would my life look like with this continuous flexibility of being here when I'm wanted or needed? Envisioning that is a powerful exercise. It's me, having a creative outlet to build something, create something (THE BOOK) and turn that into a means to help support my family (yeeeees, I know you're not supposed to create something for money or it kills the purpose, but I have strong enough purpose behind my idea that it will hold up, and I need my dream to be full of abundance thank you very much). I love the vision of coffee with my hubby in the kitchen or on the deck each morning, my office space rich with inspiration, ours dogs sleeping by my feet, me pouring myself into the keyboard, and my littles coming up to hug me hello after they get home from bus stop.

PER-FEC-TION.