To Bloom...

Every year I choose a word, one that serves as a compass for where I want to go, what I want to focus on and accomplish. How I want to be.  These words have proven very powerful (ask me about the year I chose Sexy, or the year I chose Escape).

This past year, I chose Bloom.  And it has meant, for me, a path to grow and use what I've been given (good and bad) to make something really worthwhile, something memorable, something that signifies a transformation.

They say shit makes the best fertilizer -- so thank goodness for the yuck that has fed this journey and compelled me to make something good out of it.

But there's an interesting aspect to blooming that I hadn't considered.  What happens after the bloom? The plant is weakened; it needs to seek it's roots again and pull more from the soil to make up for the deficit of nutrients that blooming demands. And the bloom dies.  You don't just keep perpetually blooming. And it isn't "the end."  It's part of a cycle - and I'm wondering what phase of that cycle I'm actually in right now.  Feeling like I need a bit of restoration, to fuel up for another charge at blooming, or whatever it is that I am going to focus on for 2019.

So have I bloomed?  Have there been blossoms that I haven't stopped to enjoy? What does Blooming look like to me? How will I know I've met my goal if I haven't really articulated in my mind what the goal looks like, smells like, feels like?

I think I wanted to arrive at a place that felt like success. Something that felt like a big, bold accomplishment.  Maybe launching a consultancy was big enough. Maybe hosting a portrait showcase was bold enough. But maybe it wasn't about building a big, bodacious bloom - a grand Dahlia. Maybe it was about blooming in a less dazzling but prolific way, like a wild rose bush or a lilac. Maybe it was about shifting my mindset in various places and shining new light on healthier, more generous, kinder perspectives. Lots of little, subtle blooms that, when grouped together, make for a transformational display.