In The Grip

My littlest is in a phase where the world can be exasperating because he envisions a certain course of events, but many times that course simply does not end up being the actual progression of things. He falls apart, frustrated by his inability to control the sequence, feeling lost and powerless.

It's a tough phase. My daughter still struggles at times and she's a few years older.

I try to remember that - to empathize - and allow him the space to vent his frustration and try to show him some understanding that I know it's hard. But when I'm in a hurry and he wants to "start over" the leaving-the-house-routine because I didn't give him the chance to put his socks on upstairs instead of downstairs, I don't always make myself proud. Actually, I am guilty of often just becoming my own version of exasperated and pushing him along with threats or simply picking him up and "overruling" him by physically moving him where I want him to be.

This results in a big meltdown of tears and "I hate you momma," and an awful, stressful, angry scenario that I pray doesn't imprint on his forever memory.

I took a course, back in my early career days, on Meyers Briggs. We had a consultant in who spent many days coaching and teaching on communication strategies. She explained what they call being "in the grip." This is when things get tough, and stress levels peak, you're under pressure, and you're not doing your best thinking because you are on lockdown.  This is what happens to my sweet little one when he's freaking out about how things are supposed to be because they aren't going his way (plus he's tired, or he needs affection, or he's hungry, or....). If I push him to "just put your socks on right now" that only builds more pressure. Makes it worse. It will explode if I keep going. And that's when the total fit happens and I end up with the Meanest Momma Award.

I'm supposed to be the adult. I cannot get caught in the grip when he's stressing out. I have to breathe, consider the real context of why he's stressing, and try to give him some release, an outlet, a soft landing. Not end up in the grip myself, plowing forward leaving destruction in my path just so I'm not late to something. Who the hell cares?! This is my child. These are my children. Focus on what's important.

Release the grip.